Doctor suspects Ouija Board to blame for COVID-19 patient

By Dixie Normous


12 year old Ruthie Donaldson of Bitner was taken to Uniontown hospital Monday where doctors and her family are awaiting the result of a COVID-19 test.  

Ruthie’s mother, Sara, said her daughter felt fine on Monday afternoon.  “We was all at Vinny’s waiting for ice cream on Sunday. Little Ruthie was throwing a little hissy fit right there in front of all them people, so we told her we’d take her up to Walmarts if she quieted down some.” she said.

Ruthie picked out a Ouija Board from Walmart, which her family says she played with all night.

“She was just in her room playing with that game thing when she said she felt hot. We ran her up the hospital to get her temperature, and sure enough they say she might have that cold everybody been getting,” she continued.

Uniontown Hospital Emergency Physician, Doctor Emil Gladstone, admitted Ruthie for testing and observation. “The little girl obviously contracted COVID-19 from the contaminated spirit board.  However, vomiting of putrid goo, shouting curse words in strange tongues and levitation are not normally associated with the COVID-19, which leads me to believe we are dealing with the first mutated strain of the virus in the US,” he said. 

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