By Ben Dover
Most Fayette County residents are familiar with Stephen Kezmarsky, the former funeral director who swindled over a hundred elderly people by selling them advanced funeral services and then claimed he squandered that money on little league sponsorships. Kezmarsky even kept one person’s cremated remains in a Dollar General bag. These acts seem preposterous in a small City like Uniontown, but we wanted to know how they rank with the most villainous being of all time.
We asked local psychic medium, Claire Whitedove to conjure up the big bad himself for his take on Kezmarsky. Satan told us the following:
“When I heard this story I was really impressed. I mean I’ve been behind the destruction of entire cultures and brought pain and strife to millions, but I’ve been in this game a long time. It only took Steve a mere 51 years to wrought this kind of sorrow. And then to think he did it all without any superpowers, it really is quite an achievement.”
The Fayettenam Times has since discovered that Satan is actually listed among the victims of the Kezmarsky funeral scam. There’s been no word yet on if he has received any form of restitution.