By W.B. Mason
Fayette Area Coordinated Transportation announced that they are developing a bus that will run on 100% flatulence. “The operating costs of fueling our fleet has become too burdensome on our budget” said CEO Buford T. Justice. “We’ll be the first transportation company to utilize this valuable resource and move toward becoming a sustainable energy company.”
Executives at FACT are hoping the success of area local Mexican restaurants will provide enough flatulence and methane to eventually power their entire fleet. For the campaign to be successful, they are relying on gaseous citizens to properly dispose of their flatulence in fart tanks located around the county.
The first deposit was made this week by Oliphant Furnace resident Roy Filmore. “Usually when I’m riding down the road with my wife, I’ll rip a big air biscuit into the heated seat and just let it marinade. It is always hilarious when she finally smells it” Filmore told the Fayettenam Times. “But after I unleashed one of the worst turd tremors in world history, she threatened me with divorce papers. I have since decided to deposit my fecal fumes in a socially responsible manner.”
Justice added that Mr. Filmore, who had eaten 2 burritos with extra guac on the evening of the deposit was able to provide enough flatulence for a bus to travel 250 miles.