Man defecates in park, Karen and Todd lose their shit

By Pat Myaz


Uniontown City Police charged a 62 year old Mifflin Avenue man with open lewdness and disorderly conduct for taking a dump in Marshall Park on Friday.

Karen and Todd Cuckuldson witnessed the act of savagery. “Todd and I were taking our son Chase for a walk in the park to experience nature. I was texting our house cleaning lady and when I looked up there was a man pooping behind a bush right in front of us!” Karen said.

The man, who told police he was on his way to the public library, had just eaten a sub from Filthy Phil’s when he felt like he was suddenly about to give birth to an angry Tasmanian Devil.

Karen continued, “I had to stop Todd from rolling up the sleeves on his sweater and giving him a piece of his mind straight to his face. But this was a police matter. It left a dark stain on our entire day.”

Note to our readers: Unlike the other Fayette County news agencies, Fayettenam Times chooses not to disclose this senior citizen’s identity. We would instead like to applaud the man for helping to fertilize Marshall Park.

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