Pennsylvania Reaches 15,000 Confirmed Cases of Boredom

By Dixie Normous

4/8/2020

With Pennsylvania under a state wide COVID-19 quarantine, where non life sustaining businesses have been forced to shut down operations, most PA residents are starting to come down with a case of cabin fever.

Robin Beckett, a housewife in Beaver said, “My children actually want to play outside for once.  I don’t know what to tell them.”

In a time when anyone can be a carrier, everyone appears to be the enemy.

“This is hard on everyone. I haven’t seen my side piece in 2 weeks,” say’s Michael Beckett, Robin’s husband.  “I kind of want to go get that butt, but I’m worried that if I catch the corona I’ll be stuck inside with my family even longer,” he continued.

Still others have decided to just ignore the quarantine entirely.  The isles of local Walmart stores appear to be packed with people daily.  

We asked Stephanie Newcomer, who takes care of her elderly parents, why she risks infecting them by going to Walmart every morning. She said, “My parents are in their eighties.  They’ve lived a long full life. They wouldn’t want to go on knowing I’m out of boxed wine and avocados anyways.”