By Justin Sider
Have you ever wanted to eat a delicious bowl of your favorite cereal only to find it stale because someone in your house left the box open? Did it make you want to stab someone? Well, that’s exactly how a local man felt when it happened to him, only he decided to do exactly that! In a story that nobody could even make up a Perryopolis man has been arraigned on charges of aggravated assault for slashing his friend who left a box of cereal open last Sunday morning. Robert Earl Yoney, 21, of Perryopolis tried to stab his “friend” Dustin Atkinson with a knife, however, the always prepared Atkinson hit Yoney in his stabbing hand with a stun gun that he had apparently been spawn camping the entire night. The two “men” then carried to brawl into the living room where Yoney hit Atkinson in the head with a porcelain statue (possibly of Buddah). Yoney then did his best Stone Cold Steve Ausin impression and hit Atkinson over the head with a crutch before covering him for the 1-2-3. Yoney is currently in the Fayette County Prison, while the defeated Atkinson will never, ever leave a box of cereal open again. And that’s the bottom line, because Stone Cold said so.