By Rod Gozinya
The Ferncliff side of Ohiopyle was vandalized with spray paint this weekend. The iconic rocks there tagged with yellow, red and white graffiti consisting of words, flowers and other images.
Uniontown Chief of Police, Chasin Box, believes the vandalism was perpetrated by an ancient race of extraterrestrials. Alien expert and television personality, Giorgio Tsoukalos was brought in Monday by police to give his theory on the strange hieroglyphs.
“The white flower obviously represents a vagina!,” said the excited Tsoukalos. “You can see that the sun is under the vagina, signifying that the vandals are thirsty male aliens from somewhere beyond our sun that have come here in search of some punani!”, Tsoukalos continued.
City police are currently searching for male aliens between the ages of 17-25 who may have been in the Ohiopyle area on Saturday night.