Tom Wolf calls on Catholic Church to fudge the story so Jesus waits until June to come back to life

On Thursday Governor Wolf requested that the Catholic Diocese of Pennsylvania temporarily change the story of Easter so that Jesus’s resurrection occurs in mid June.

“What I don’t want is for people to be in close quarters with family members during the holiday.  I only want people to be in close quarters inside essential businesses such as Walmart and beer distributors for the foreseeable future,” Wolf said.

Easter is traditionally the Sunday following Good Friday, the day in which Jesus was crucified.  The governor’s proposal however moves the holiday to the second Sunday in June, when there’s a chance that the Coronavirus may be under control.

“There are no competing holidays in June, so there’s no reason the church shouldn’t work with us. This is a time of crisis when people should only be going out to get life sustaining items like water and food.  And beer. And televisions. And toilet paper.”

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